Can a Boy and a Girl Ever Be Just Friends?

Shakespeare once said, “A boy can never be just a girl’s friend, because there are emotions and physical desires involved.”

The Irish poet Oscar Wilde expressed a similar view. He said, “It is impossible for a man and a woman to have a relationship based on friendship alone. What can exist between them is desire, weakness, hatred, or love—or else sexuality.”

Humayun Ahmed once said, “A boy and a girl can be friends, but they will inevitably fall in love. Perhaps for a very short time, or at the wrong time. Perhaps too late, or maybe for a lifetime. But fall in love they will.”

To be honest, a friendship between a boy and a girl that involves nothing beyond friendship is impossible and contrary to nature. If it were nothing more than friendship, nature itself would lose its very essence. A magnet and a piece of iron cannot remain beside each other without attracting one another. They are naturally drawn to each other. If someone avoids or denies this, they are either being hypocritical or deceiving their family and loved ones.

The Prophet of the entire world, Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him), regarded as one of the greatest human beings of all time and a great philosopher, is quoted as saying, “Whenever a man and a woman are alone together, a third presence is there: Satan.”

Therefore, it can be stated without hesitation that, apart from those relationships between men and women that Islam recognizes as permissible, including parents and children, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, and other blood relationships within the category of mahram, no interaction between a man and a woman—whether familiar or unfamiliar, related or unrelated, classmates or fellow students, married or unmarried—is entirely safe. Whether it takes place secretly or openly, or through any other means, and whether it is frequent or occasional, casual or serious, any conversation, casual exchange, correspondence, chatting, communication, or even exchanging glances, looking at one another, or making suggestive gestures and signals can potentially lead to trouble. Moreover, from an Islamic perspective, such actions may fall under the broader category of zina (unlawful sexual conduct) or its precursors, depending on their nature.

Just as a candle melts when placed beside a fire, unnecessary or purposeless conversations, meetings, words, gestures, signals, and communications with a non-mahram man or woman can gradually lead to romantic attachment or an illicit relationship. They may awaken a desire for physical and emotional intimacy and eventually develop into an immoral or sexual relationship.

This is a Universal Truth—an eternal truth.

Therefore, I wish to address everyone who is currently forming friendships or becoming acquainted with members of the opposite sex, whether in person or through various communication channels, including social networking platforms, online friendships, text chats, voice calls, and video calls.

Perhaps you think, “I am not doing anything serious. I am just chatting a little, talking a little, or engaging in a bit of playful teasing! I am not doing anything else.”

But perhaps you do not even realize that, as these playful interactions continue, you may unknowingly be crossing boundaries and engaging in inappropriate behavior with that person. Yet, in your own mind, you believe you are doing nothing wrong. This is because Satan makes evil deeds appear attractive and appealing to people.

Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:

“Indeed, he (Satan) commands you to do evil and shameful deeds.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayah 169)

Satan presents indecent and sinful acts to people in ways that make them appear attractive and acceptable.

Therefore, those who deceive their families or betray the trust of their spouses and households by engaging in such activities should be aware that they may already have descended halfway into a deep, dark pit. It may not take long for them to sink the remaining fifty percent. And once they have fallen completely, Satan will have achieved his triumph!

Remember, these activities can affect every aspect of human life—from personal and family relationships to social life and even public and national life. Eventually, the affected person's family, relationships, youth, happiness, and peace may be reduced to ruins.

I have often heard about, read about, and witnessed situations in which people become so devastated by the consequences that they feel they have no way out. Some may even contemplate suicide. Those who continue living may find themselves losing everything on both sides, enduring unbearable sorrow, emotional anguish, and the relentless pain of a life shattered by their own circumstances.

Therefore, we should all exercise caution before it is too late. We should strive to lead beautiful and meaningful lives. Through honest, wholesome, and morally upright living, we should work toward building a bright future for ourselves and our households, paving the way for a peaceful and fulfilling life.

Everyone should strive to present themselves as trustworthy, honest, morally upright, dignified, and virtuous individuals before their families, households, society, environment, and the people around them.

Then you will see that the limitless blessings, goodness, honor, and countless mercies and favors of the Creator, both in this world and in the Hereafter, will not need to beckon you repeatedly to come closer. Instead, they will come to your doorstep and knock on your door of their own accord.

The world-renowned spiritual scholar and poet Dr. Allama Muhammad Iqbal (may Allah have mercy on him) is said to have envisioned a country called Pakistan, consisting of seven provinces, in a dream thirty years before Pakistan became independent. And, as the account suggests, it eventually came into existence.

He said:

“Khudi ko kar buland itna ke har taqdeer se pehle,
Khuda bande se khud poochhe, bata teri raza kya hai.”

In English, this means:

“Elevate your inner self to such a height that, before your destiny is decided, God Himself asks you, ‘My servant, tell Me, what is it that you desire?’”

May Almighty Allah grant us all the wisdom to understand what is right and enable us to lead pure lives and perform righteous deeds. Ameen.

Thank you, everyone.

— Ali Yousuf

November 17, 2023

Collected from the Facebook wall of Ali Yousuf.

Translated by: FB Stories Team

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